Truth

May 3, 2011 - Leave a Response

So, we all have things that we don’t understand right? However sometimes it’s just one or two things. With me it seems like theirs hundreds.

Further down on my blog in an earlier post there is quite a bit of evidence of me showing how much I feel like overdosing is the cowards way out.

Well on march 20th I took an overdose.

But I have so many reasons why I did this. Since the age of 14 I had considered it from time to time. But things had gotten so out of hand that I felt I could not escape.

After feeling like I was being forced to live somewhere when I started my next year (which thank god is now nearly over) at university, when my so called ‘friends’ decided to start ignoring me and leaving me out I felt like shit. In july I was then told that me and my mum were going to be moving in with my Aunty, Uncle and cousin because we couldn’t afford to live there anymore. Bearing in mind that I never really got on with my uncle (at all in fact) and that my cousin was 6/7 it’s a lot to have to adapt too. It never really bothered me that I was having to share a room with my mother either, in a room that is smaller than the room I had in the old house.

In october I was then unable to pay for the rent at my uni home, that

Photography

May 2, 2011 - Leave a Response

So I am just getting back into taking photographs, please check me out on DeviantArt – Mame3 and on facebook MAME:photography.

I am in the process of creating a showreel which will include my photographs and my films/documentarys as well.

=]

Hmm.

April 13, 2010 - Leave a Response

So many songs, make me look back and see how much i have really done in these last….19 years and 10 months…It’s amazing really, what one person can experience.

I’ve lived in numerous houses, been to numerous schools, had lots of different boyfriends (serious or not serious), been to university, had different jobs, had so many different friends, and lost and gained so many close people in my life.

I think that, whenever you are sad about anything, depending on what it is, just think. Is my life any better to how it was say, a year ago, two years ago, even 5 years ago. If it is, then it can only get better right? because you’ve seen how things change. And if they haven’t changed, then this is just your wake up call, to go and change all the shit in your life and live how you want and be who you want. If you really really want something, you can get it, or you can die happy, knowing that you were on your way to reaching that goal, even if you didn’t quite make it. Everything happens for a reason doesn’t it?

There’s not really a point to this blog. I just felt like i needed to write something. Maybe just to reassure myself, as today has been a bit up and down for me. If you have a problem, speak about it, if you make mistakes, don’t dwell on them, learn from them. Life is only as big, as good, as bad, as fun, as colourful, as painful, as happy….the list goes on….as you make it.

Gah, stupid blog over and done with. Live. Laugh. Love.

R.I.P Tara

April 9, 2010 - Leave a Response

On Wednesday, i was asked by my friend Jenny. “Do you remember Keyleigh Hirrel?” With this i replied yes and started to tell her about how i remembered her sister…then she stopped me and told me that her sister, Tara, had been in a bad car accident and she thinks it may have been fatal, but she was still alive.

This then automatically got me thinking about how me and Tara had been introduced through her step sister, Deanna, who was a very close friend of mine. I came to realise that Tara’s family were part of the big family that i grew up with and lived around on the Northfields.

I specifically remember being quite close to her younger brother Cristy and i remember sometimes hanging out with Keyleigh, until she came to roundhill and started hanging out with the popular kids, also known as ‘the bullies’. This was a shame as it meant that i was to lose contact with Tara, especially considering she was 3 years younger than me, and i moved from the northfields, which meant it was also a lot more harder to keep in contact with any of them, other than when we would pass each other in the street and say hello, when i was at my nans as they moved to just around the corner from them.

One specific memory that i hold of Tara is one where myself, Tara, Deanna and Natalie all drew over my bedroom wall at my dads, i remember we were writing about Natalies brother Aden, who happened to be, my ex, tara and deannas cousin too. It was a funny time and we had lots of fun. I also kept hearing in my head, the sound of Deanna shouting, with her really loud booming voice. “TARAAA!” up the street because we had fallen out. This can also be a sad memory for me as it was only two years ago or so that i painted over those walls at my dads.

Tara died on Wednesday. When i heard i was quite upset and i felt really bad for feeling upset. Mostly because i felt that people may judge me, for feeling upset when i wasn’t in contact with her anymore, or that i hardly knew her when you think about it. But by this blog, i’m wanting to apologise to Tara for losing contact, but i wanted to show that i still have clear, happy memories of the short times we had when she was alive. She was a beautiful, intelligent, fun girl, who grew up with a loving family, and she will be dearly missed by everybody.

May you rest in peace Tara ❤

I wish i had the guts to say this…

October 29, 2009 - Leave a Response

This is just something i would like to say to my grandad, he has recently been quite ill, i would say over the past three years, he has been in hospital about 15 times, and not just in and out, but like a week at a time at the least.

Grandad, i know it’s taken a lot out of you being ill and everything, but i don’t think you should be wanting to end everything, i think you should help yourself, and the people around you and appreciate the fact that you have been given all of these chances!
Look at all of the people close to you and close to us over the past years who have died, the postman who was not much older than i am now, just dropped dead from a haemerage (sp)….he didn’t get a second chance!
Instead of feeling like god or whoever is out to get you, and being all depressed and wanting to kill yourself, think of your family and how much love they have for you, how many people you know and love you, you’re an amazing person and you should be making the most of your life instead of just giving up!

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

September 23, 2009 - Leave a Response

Why is it?, no, infact, How is it, that you can love somebody so much, you let them hurt you, you let them use you, you let them walk all over you, and when your friends point it out to you, you defend him and make out that it isn’t really that bad?
Why?

And how is it that someone can be in an amazing relationship with someone you would probably consider to be ‘the one’ or your true ‘soulmate’, and then just say ‘something went wrong’ and end it?
And how is it that someone can say they love you, knowing you love them and that things would be perfect if you got back together, but then goes and gets a girlfriend they don’t want to be with, and then moan to you about how they don’t want to be with them? Are they doing it on purpose? to just rip your heart out, to jump up and down on it and then to just scoop it up with their bare hands and place what mush is left, right into the palm of yours. Thus just being one of the many things those freinds point out to you that you defend!

hmmmm

September 8, 2009 - Leave a Response

How is it that you can be in the greatest of moods, then *BAM!* all of a sudden someone who is feeling not too happy can make you feel so crap. Pisses me off so much! What have we done to be brought down to their level of depression or whatever it is! I was happy enough being happy thank you!
I’m sorry that my blogs seem a tad angry =P xx

Annoyed times!

September 8, 2009 - Leave a Response

Last night i had a friend tell me they had taken a load of paracetamol and sleeping tablets…i don’t know how someone who is supposed to be your friend can turn around to you and tell you that when there is no way that you can help them, or get to them in time…is this their way of trying to make you feel responsible for trying to attempt suicide?

And surprise surprise though, they text me this morning to tell me that they’re okay…
So, basically they did that to make you worry all night, orrrr they didn’t actually take an overdose…so basically they lied to you?…what’s the point in either of them two things…what’s the point in trying to attempt suicide anyway. Yeah, we have all been depressed, and most likely thought about suicide at one point or another, but it really is the cowards way out isn’t it? and it’s so selfish!…

I said to this ‘friend’ (said like that because seriously what friend puts you through that)…I said to him, imagine how you have just made me feel by telling me that you’re killing yourself as you’re talking to me, i have no way of getting to you, or informing anybody that you are with, so that’s putting a lot of guilt/pressure on me for not being able to help. Imagine how your parents are going to feel when they wake up and find their only child dead? It’s not fair, nothing can be so bad you have to put yourself and others through it….

Don’t sit and feel sorry for yourself…if you wont listen to other peoples advice then don’t moan to them about how ‘shit’ your life is. There’s nothing you can’t sort out or move on from. Seriously….get a life….and when i say get a life, it’s not as in go die you faggit you’re not worth anything, it actually means….get a life….live!! for gods sake!!

Impulses

September 6, 2009 - Leave a Response

Do you ever get the feeling that you just need to do or say something, and if you don’t (sorry for the immense exaggeration) the world will end or something?
Sometimes it could be something you haven’t thought about for ages, or maybe even something you had never even considered.
BUT, still act on whatever impulse it is you have, even if the outcome is bad or not what you expected, you can still feel some form of happiness or achievement just by acting on it.

Thoughts please..
x

Live for the moment

September 6, 2009 - Leave a Response

just needed to write this down somewhere, it’s something i said in a conversation and i quite liked it and hope it inspires people lol

Don’t dwel on the past or regret anything, make the most of what you’ve got, what you’ve had isn’t an issue because there’s more to come, and if it’s bad, you’ve got the strength and experience behind you to fight it. Live for the moment and whatever you do, don’t let it pass! (And even if it does…everything happens for a reason doesn’t it?)

=)

xxx